


Catch You When You Fall

by machka



Category: Real Person Fiction, Tulsa Gangstas
Genre: Community: hc_bingo, F/M, Miscarriage, Multi, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-31
Updated: 2010-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-20 05:13:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/machka/pseuds/machka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief.' ~ Aeschylus</p><p>"You can only be strong so long before you break..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Catch You When You Fall

**Author's Note:**

> I owe a debt of gratitude to the CinnamonBun Muse for this story, which nearly didn't get written but for her hand-holding.
> 
> Written for the [hc_bingo](http://hc-bingo.livejournal.com/profile/) challenge, using the prompt "Difficult Pregnancy."
> 
> In the "Hazards of Working with Real People" category: Mr. Gibson referenced a "Paige" in the liner notes of his first album. Neither her last name, nor her relationship with Mr. Gibson, were ever revealed. The assumption was that she was his GF at the time, but this has never been confirmed. Therefore, we are characterizing her as an OFC here, even though she really does exist. Somewhere.
> 
> Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction. The events described therein are not intended to represent actual events. No libel or defamation is intended in posting said fictitious work.
> 
> In other words, it's not real, because I made it all up.

Andy slid slowly down the wall outside of Paige's hospital room. He didn't know what to do. She wouldn't be able to go home until after the last of the hard drugs wore off... His mind was racing, but he was still numb.

He couldn't put it off anymore.

He pulled out his phone, dialing Nick's number by heart, and waited for Nick to answer. He ran his hands over his face, his heart in his throat, wondering if Nick would be able to get a flight home tonight... God, Andy hoped so, because he knew they weren't going to be able to get through this without him... The unshed tears burned in his eyes as he waited to hear Nick's voice.

Nick twitched and smiled as his phone vibrated in his back pocket, playing the melody that he'd assigned to Andy. "Getting goosed", he called it, when that happened... He pressed the button to accept the call, and held the phone up to his ear. "Hey, Andy," he murmured, his voice low and throaty. "Missed you... How's everyone doing?"

Andy bit back the words fighting to tumble from his mouth, and took a deep breath instead. "We need you to come home...tonight," he said softly.

Nick froze in place. Something about the deep breath, and the tone and timbre of Andy's voice... "What's going on? Did something happen?"

Andy choked back the whimper threatening to break through as the hot tears slipped down his cheeks. "We're at the hospital...Paige..."

He hesitated.

He couldn't say it.

"Paige?! What happened to Paige??" Nick could feel the panic rising in his chest, and he could dimly hear the plastic creak as his grip on his phone tightened. "Andy... Talk to me, please?"

Andy sucked in a trembling breath. "She started cramping...we tried to get her here..." His head was spinning, he knew he probably wasn't making any sense... "She's okay...just...come home...I can't do this by myself," he whimpered, finally breaking down.

"The baby, Andy..." Nick knew, he _knew,_ what Andy's reply would be, but he had to ask... "Is it...?"

Andy shook his head as he bit his lip hard. "They couldn't do anything."

"...Gone?" Nick's voice was hoarse and broken...just like his heart. "Oh, God...Andy..." He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and didn't bother to hide them as they spilled over, streaming freely down his cheeks. God, it wasn't fair...

"...Gotta find a flight... Gotta..." Nick mumbled, scrubbing the tears away with the heel of his hand. "...I'll call..." Lowering the phone, he hung up, turning quickly toward his laptop to check on flights.

Andy sat there a moment with his phone still to his ear. No sound.

He couldn't do this by himself anymore.

He pulled his phone down and dialed Neal's number instead.

Neal answered the phone before the second note of his ringtone ended. "What's the news?" he asked softly, shooting a glance at Brooke as she looked up from the coloring book party Ashlyn and Logan were having. The concern on her face mirrored his own.

Andy couldn't stop his tears from falling. "It was too late...not our fault...just happens..." he rasped out, rambling. "Need you."

"Oh, gods, Andy..." Neal breathed, his throat tightening as he shook his head at Brooke. "I'm on my way, all right? I'll be there...gods, as soon as I can, okay? Just...hang on for me...lemme get my hands-free..." He fumbled through the drawer with all of his various headsets, looking for his Bluetooth. "...Okay...y'still there?" he asked, jamming his phone into its holster on his belt as he tugged on his jacket. "You want us all to come up there, or...?"

Andy shook his head. "Just...you first...maybe have Brooke meet us at the house..." He trailed off, thinking about how they had just started to decide on what they wanted to do for the baby's room...

"...Andy, stay with me here..." Neal murmured, his voice thick with emotion. He gave Brooke a soft kiss on the lips, and mouthed "I'll call you..." to her as he backed out the door. Settling behind the wheel of his truck, he cranked the engine to life, roaring out of their driveway onto the road. "You still there, Andy?"

Andy nodded, his head in his hand. "Yeah...just...need to stop thinking," he choked out. "Nick is getting a flight home..." He closed his eyes, thinking about the abrupt ending to their call. Nick had never hung up without telling Andy that he loved him... It was petty for him to be dwelling on that, but it stuck in his head.

"Okay, that's good..." Neal replied, trying to keep his voice level and soothing. "I'm on my way, Andy, okay? Just a few more minutes...."

Andy nodded again, forgetting that Neal couldn't' see him. "Okay..."

He peeked around the corner of the doorframe, seeing that Paige was still sleeping, and swallowed hard.

"Stay with me, man..." Neal murmured, thumping his thumbs nervously on the steering wheel as he wove through traffic. "What's going on...talk to me..."

Andy sucked in a breath and leaned back against the wall. "Paige is sleeping...I'm...sitting on the floor..." he said hoarsely, his voice still thick from his tears.

"Good...sitting is good..." Neal continued, cutting off a Prius with a wicked grin as he shot up the off ramp. "You need anything right now? Food, water...?"

Andy shook his head. "No...just need you," he whispered, his eyes filling again.

"I'm almost there, Andy...almost there..." Neal pulled into the parking garage, gunning it up the ramp as he searched for an open space. "God-damned compact car spaces, takin' up all the spots by the fuckin' elevator... Fuckin' finally!"

Neal pulled into an open space -- well, actually, _two_ open spaces, since he straddled the line with his passenger side, purely out of spite -- and hopped out, trotting toward the elevator door. "Where are you in this fuckin' maze?" he puffed, punching the call button twenty times in rapid succession.

Andy looked up at the floor sign on the wall across the hallway from him. "Fifth floor...straight down from the elevator..."

"Okay, Andy...on my way there..." Neal replied softly, hopping in the elevator and mashing the keys to get the door closed and running. He hopped out on the ground floor, darted across the access road, and flung himself into the revolving door to the lobby, puffing loudly. "Fuckin' runnin'...makin' me all out of breath, an' shit... Sorry 'bout th'obscene phone call, all of a sudden..."

Andy cracked a faint smile, holding tightly to his phone. His eyes were glued to the elevator at the end of the hallway as he stood up, still leaning against the wall.

"Jesus fuck, you'd think....oh...sorry, ma'am...didn't mean to offend...." Neal's voice took on a vaguely chagrined tone as he continued. " _Gee whiz,_ this is a hospital, you'd think they'd have high-frickin'-speed elevators installed, or somethin..."

Andy bit his lip again, the lump in his throat keeping him from speaking, or he would break down completely. "Uh huh," he whispered.

"Two...three...c'mon, c'mon...four...gods, almost there, Andy...finally..."

The elevator doors slipped apart and Neal nearly tumbled out, fleeing the disapproving glares of the matronly women caged in the small box with him. His eyes fell on Andy, and his steps quickened, his arms automatically extending to gather the younger man in.

Andy collapsed into Neal's arms, the sobs that he had been holding back bursting through as his body shook silently in Neal's arms.

"I've got you, Andy..." Neal whispered, pulling Andy as close as he could. He pressed a soft kiss to Andy's hair, cradling the younger man's head in one hand. "I'm right here, Andy...not goin' anywhere..."

Andy held on tight, his body shaking from exhaustion and stress and sheer pain. "Why..." he whispered into Neal's neck.

"Gods, I wish I knew..." Neal whispered, threading his fingers into Andy's hair. "I really wish I knew..."

Andy shook his head. "They said...it happens...no one's fault...don't want Paige to blame herself," he whispered, choking up.

"I know, Andy..." Neal murmured, rubbing the younger man's back gently. His thoughts wandered to his own mother and her own struggles to have a child with his stepfather...he knew exactly how fragile Paige might be.

Andy bit his lip and drew in a deep breath, glancing down at his phone as he let it out. He needed Nick to call him back...needed to know that he was on his way home to his family. "Is Logan okay?" he asked.

Neal cupped Andy's cheek gently, nodding. "He and Ash were coloring in Ash's Disney Princess coloring books. 'Fraid your kid's scarred for life..." he replied, running his thumb lightly along the arch of Andy's cheek. "...He'll call back, Andy..." he continued, keeping his voice soft. "...We had the line tied up for a while there...he probably got a busy signal...he'll call back."

Andy nodded. "I know...he just...I'm being stupid," he whispered.  
"No such thing," Neal murmured, pressing his lips gently to Andy's forehead. "...'He just'...what?"

Andy looked up at Neal. "...Just hung up," he whispered, knowing that even just saying it made him sound petty.

"Okay..." Neal said softly. "Didn't say goodbye?"

Andy shook his head. "No...he was finding a flight home."

"...Did he know what was going on?" Neal leaned his forehead to Andy's, cupping the back of his neck gently.

Andy nodded. "Yeah...I told him..."

"...But did he know, before this last time you talked t'him?" Neal asked gently. "Cuz if he didn't...he was probably in shock..."

Andy nodded again. "I know," he whispered rawly.

"...Just like we all are right now," Neal breathed out, pulling Andy back into his arms.

Nick hung up the phone with the ticket agent and ground the heels of his hands against his eyes, fighting to breathe. "Okay, Nick...okay...you can do this...we can do this..." he muttered to himself, and picked the phone up again, tapping Andy's number. One ring...two...

Andy felt his phone buzzing and pulled away from Neal slightly. He saw Nick's number on the caller ID and swallowed hard, answering it as he buried his face back against Neal's chest. "Hey...what did you find?" he asked softly.

"Gotta flight out in about 2 hours...gonna get my shit packed right now, Zack's takin' me to th'airport... I should be landin' at about 5 pm your time..." Not really all that much time, he thought to himself, but it seemed like for-fuckin'-ever...

"...How're you holdin' up?" he asked hoarsely, grabbing some clothes from the closet and stuffing his carry-on full to bursting. "...How's she doin'?"

Andy bit his lip. "She's sleeping...Neal just got here..." he whispered, and drew a shuddering breath.

"Okay..." Nick whispered. Good that Neal was there for Andy... Nick drew his own shuddering breath, and rubbed his eyes again. "Let him take care of you, Andy...I'll be there as soon as I can, okay? I promise..."

Andy bit hard on his lip. "As soon as she wakes up, I'll be able to take her home..." He looked at the wall clock, seeing it was only a little after noon. It felt like an eternity until Nick would be home.

"Did you tell them?" he whispered, wondering what Nick had told his bandmates.

"Tony and Zack know... They can fill in the others..." Nick murmured. "Andy...just...hang in there, all right? I gotta fly..." He paused, swallowing hard over the lump in his throat. "Love you..."

Andy clung tightly to Neal, feeling his throat close up. "Love you too...hurry home to us," he whispered.

"...I will," Nick choked out. "See you soon...love you...'bye..." Clicking the "end" button, Nick let his phone drop to the table, burying his face in his hands.

Neal tightened his arms around Andy, listening without comment to Andy's side of the conversation. "He's coming, then?" he asked softly, brushing his lips lightly across Andy's forehead.

Andy slipped his phone back into his pocket and slumped against Neal. "He'll be home around five..." he rasped out, his ears ringing with the thoughts racing through his head. "Tony and Zack know..." he whispered. "They are taking Nick to the airport..." He rambled, just to fill the empty space.

"Good, good..." Neal murmured, massaging Andy's back gently. "I can get Brooke to pick him up, if you'd like..."

Andy nodded. "That would be good...I should go in and check on Paige..." he whispered, slowly starting to pull away.

"May I co--...uh...do y'want me to wait in th'lounge, or...?" Neal asked softly, not wanting to impose or presume, especially if Andy wanted and needed time alone with Paige.

Andy looked up at Neal, his eyes wide. "Come in with me," he whispered. "...Do you need to call Brooke?"

Neal reached up and touched Andy's cheek softly. "Yeah, I kind of do...wanna be sure you're all right, first..."

Andy closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath. "I'm okay...call her...I'm going to sit with Paige... Will you come in as soon as you are done?" he asked softly.

"Promise," Neal murmured, brushing his lips lightly over Andy's. "I'll be right here in the hallway, all right? I'm not going far..."

Andy let out a breath, his shoulders slumping slightly as he nodded. "Okay," he whispered, and then drew in a deep breath, looking into the hospital room. The soft beeping of the machines had him swallowing hard.

He walked over to the side of the bed silently and sat down in the chair he had been in before Paige had fallen asleep.

Sitting down quietly, Andy dropped his head back in this hands as he rested his elbows on Paige's bed.

Paige let out a soft whimper, stirring slightly on the bed. "...Andy..."

Andy lifted his head and reached for Paige's hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss it softly. "I'm here, sweetheart...right here," he whispered, reaching over with his free hand to brush her hair out of her eyes.

Neal watched them a moment, chewing on his lower lip. Feeling the hot sting of tears, he turned away and pulled out his phone, sniffling quietly as his call went through.

The kids had finally fallen asleep, watching Toy Story 3 for the tenth time, so when Brooke heard her phone ring, she quickly snagged it off the counter. Putting it to her ear, she let out a breath. "Neal..." she whispered softly.

"Brooke..." Neal exhaled in response. "There was nothing they could do. Andy says they can leave as soon as Paige wakes up enough and the drugs wear off...Nick's on his way..."

Paige gripped Andy's hand weakly, letting out a soft, stuttering breath. "...'M so sorry...don't hate me...please..." she whispered, as a single tear slipped from the corner of her eye, trailing down her temple into her hair. "...Love you..."

Andy leaned over the bed to rest his head on Paige's shoulder. "Not your fault...could never hate you," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. "Love you so much...Nick's on his way home."

"...Oh, God, Nick..." Paige groaned softly, her breath hitching in her throat. "What'm I gonna tell him..." She swallowed a sob, beginning to weep openly.

Brooke put her hand on her forehead. "Oh, Nat...how are they holding up?" she whispered.

Neal peered around the corner of the door frame, biting his lip again. "...Not too well, understandably..." he whispered, pulling back into the hallway. "Andy's worried that she'll blame herself..."

Andy pulled Paige tight to him. "Shhh...Paige...listen to me. It's not your fault...nothing that you did caused this...it was just one of those things that happens..." he whispered, choking up himself. "I told Nick...he's worried about you."

All that Paige could manage was a low, raw sound, pouring out her sorrow as she clung weakly to her mate.

Andy could feel the tears slipping down his face as he held her tight. "Love you, sweetheart...love you..." he whispered, over and over again.

Paige buried her face in Andy's neck, sobs racking her body. Their baby... _Nick's_ baby, oh God... She felt like such an utter failure...

Andy could feel his own anguish rushing through him as his own tears slipped down his cheek. He wished that Nick were there now...they needed him. He kissed Paige's forehead, hating whatever deity that was out there listening for hurting his family, and taking something so precious away from them.

Paige's sobs trailed off to soft moans and whimpers as she cried herself out, still clinging weakly to Andy. God, how she wished she were numb right now...

Andy continued to whisper how much he loved her as he held tight. He ran his hand through her hair, gently starting to rock her in his arms.

Brooke bit her lip. "Do you need me to come down?" she asked. "I can call Kira...she can come and sit with the kids...they crashed about twenty minutes ago, watching a movie."

"Calling Kira would be good for the kids, I think..." Neal murmured, leaning back against the wall. "We'll probably need you to pick Nick up at the airport, if that's okay... His flight's getting in around five... Don't know any of the specifics, though... Probably need to text him, I'd imagine..."

Brooke nodded. "I'll get ready and call Kira... I can leave from wherever we are, to get Nick," she whispered softly, looking in at Ashlyn and Logan sprawled on the floor, sound asleep.

"Okay, love..." Neal replied quietly. "Do you still have the spare key to their house? Probably best if you head over there, and get things set up and ready for them..."

Brooke nodded. "Yeah, I do...are you sure you don't need me to come to the hospital? What should I do at the house?" She felt lost. She needed to be there with her husband and her best friends. She needed to _do something,_ but she wasn't sure just what.

Neal gnawed on one of his lip rings, trying to remember what Chuck had done for his mother. "...She won't feel like eating much -- none of them will, really -- but they'll need something there... Something quick and easy to reheat, and digest... Comfort foods..." Neal rubbed his temple gently. "...No alcohol, though. Hide that shit, bring it over to our house for safe-keeping, I don't care, but I don't want any of them leaning on that crutch..." He let out a soft sigh. "Fruit juices, water...get some of that good coffee, from Starbucks, that Andy likes... Oh, dim lighting...and make sure that their bed is freshly-done-up, lots of pillows, fuzzy blankets..." He paused a moment, running through things in his mind. "And Brooke? Make sure that the door to the baby's room is shut, okay?"

Brooke's heart caught in her throat. "Okay...if you need me or anything, call, okay?" she whispered softly. "Love you."

"I will, Brooklyn..." Neal murmured. "Love you too."

Hanging up, he silenced his phone and slipped silently into the room, sitting in the chair in the darkest corner, not wanting to disturb the pair...but also wanting Andy to know that he was there for him. Bracing his elbows on the arms of the chair, Neal folded his hands in his lap, eyes closed, as he sent out silent prayers to the gods.

"...Jus'wanna go home..." Paige breathed out, slumping limply in Andy's arms. "Wanna...don't wanna...oh, God...Andy..."

Andy drew in a deep breath, pulling back slightly from Paige. "We can go home as soon as the doctor comes back in to talk to us..." he whispered. He glanced out of the corner of his eye, seeing Neal, and nodded silently in acknowledgment that he was there.

Nick slumped in the back seat of Tony's SUV, staring down at his hands twisting uselessly in his lap. Only about four more hours, and he'd be holding them in his arms...

Brooke quickly called Kira, telling her what had happened, and asked if Kira could come sit with the kids until Brooke knew more about what was going on. She stood at the door, waiting until she heard Kira pull up, and then headed out, hugging the other woman hard and promising to keep her updated as soon as she found out anything more.

Close to fifteen minutes later, she was pulling into Andy, Nick and Paige's driveway. She swallowed hard as she headed to the door, mentally running through the list of things she needed to do once she was inside.

Walking into the house, she let Amos out in the back, and then walked through the house and down the hallway to the bedrooms. She bit her lip as she got to Logan's room, and then stopped at the next door, letting out a soft sigh as she stood in the doorway. It looked as if Nick and Andy had already brought the baby things out of storage and had them sitting against the walls in various places, ready to be put together. She bit back a soft sob, her eyes filling with tears as she pulled the door shut. She had a feeling that it would be Neal coming to help take the stuff back to storage...

Heading back for the kitchen, Brooke busied herself with the rest of the things that Neal had suggested, doing so with a heavy heart.

Neal opened his eyes slowly, running his tongue over his lips as his restless nerves got to him. Standing up slowly, he approached the couple, resting a gentle hand on Andy's shoulder. "Can I get you anything?" he murmured lowly, brushing the fingers of his other hand down Paige's arm.

Paige kept her face buried against Andy's chest, but groped for Neal's hand, finding it and interlacing their fingers together.

Andy heard shuffling in the doorway and looked up as Paige's doctor walked in, the same one that he had spoken with earlier. He bit his lip and held tight to Paige, leaning into Neal's hand. He needed that comfort.

The doctor nodded and sat down on the other side of Paige, reaching out for her hand. "Mrs. Gibson," he said softly, to get her attention.

Paige swallowed hard and turned her head slowly, forcing her eyes open to look at the obstetrician, croaking out a hoarse, "...Yes?"

Neal shifted his weight nervously, unsure if he should still be in the room for this... He tightened his grip on Andy's shoulder, hesitating.

The doctor didn't release Paige's hand. "If you feel that you are ready, we have found out the cause of the miscarriage," he said softly.

She whimpered faintly, feeling the onrush of tears yet again. She wanted to know, and yet she didn't... Wanted to, to prove that there was a reason behind all of this heartache... And didn't, because it wouldn't bring their baby back.

She found herself nodding anyway, and tightened her grip on Neal's hand as she pressed closer to Andy's body. "...Go ahead..." she whispered.

Her doctor took a deep breath. This was the part that he hated about this profession.

"Around half of all early miscarriages, before three months, are caused by a chromosomal abnormality in the baby. The chromosomes are what carry the genetic information which is donated by both parents, and sometimes information just gets...lost, mistranslated...meaning that the baby can't develop as it should."

He could feel Paige's hand tightening around his own as he continued.

"For the majority of women, these chromosomal abnormalities are normally responsible for a one-off miscarriage...so your next pregnancy is likely to be fine."

He let out his breath, glancing up at the other two men.

"A miscarriage is a tremendous shock. Although not everyone thinks of it that way, miscarriage is a grave loss, and a source of bereavement, producing the same feelings as other kinds of bereavement: shock, numbness and disbelief, anger, sadness and grief, depression and, finally, coming to terms with what's happened. These reactions are all normal. You may find that it helps to talk to family and friends about what's happened, and to have others acknowledge your loss...you might also find it helpful to contact a miscarriage support group."

Paige nodded slowly, struggling to follow the physician's words with her drug-addled brain. He was saying there was something wrong with their baby...the...chromosomes? Their genes? She swallowed again, fighting back the urge to sob aloud. Maybe there was something wrong with her after all...

The doctor could see that Paige was still trying to grasp what he was saying, and he let out a soft breath. "Paige...it was not your fault. It was just one of those things that happens to good people, and there wasn't a damn thing you or any of us could do to change it..."

"...O-okay..." she whispered, halting and uncertain. She could feel herself starting to tremble, and she turned her gaze back to Andy's face, pleading with him silently to help, even though she couldn't be sure exactly what she needed...

The doctor sighed. "I'm releasing you to go home...but stick to your bed for the next 48 hours. There are a couple of pamphlets that I'm including in your discharge papers that I'd like for you to read...if you have any questions, please don't hesitate to call the office, all right? I would like to see you at the end of the week...so if one of your lovely guys would call in an appointment for you for Friday, I will see you then," he said softly.

Neal bristled slightly at the term "lovely guys," but bit his tongue, knowing it was not his place to interfere.

The doctor stood from his chair and nodded at Neal before he headed to the door. "I'll have the nurse come in with the papers and take out the IV," he murmured, and then left the room.

Andy slipped onto the bed, stretching out beside Paige, holding her tight while being mindful of her IV.

Paige whimpered softly, nuzzling into Andy's neck.

Andy rubbed his hand over Paige's temple and kissed her forehead. "Shhh...I've got you...not letting go," he whispered.

Neal kept his eye on the doctor until he was out of the room, and turned his attention back to Andy and Paige. "...Can I get you guys anything right now?"

What he really meant was, "Can I do anything to help?" but the words just wouldn't come out.

Andy bit his lip and motioned for Neal to come closer as he slipped off the bed. He didn't want Paige to hear what he was going to say.

Neal leaned in, placing his ear close to Andy's mouth.

Andy sucked in a deep breath. "Will you go out to the nurses station and see if there is a pair of scrubs or something that Paige can wear home... her pants were ruined..." He didn't want to admit it was because of all the blood.

Neal swallowed softly, nodding. "Can do..." he whispered, and turned away, heading quietly out the door.

Andy watched as Neal left leaving him alone with Paige. He slipped back onto the bed, pulling her into his arms. "Did you understand what the doc was saying?" he asked softly, seeing her eyes were still hazy from the hardcore meds they'd had her on earlier.

Paige stared up at the ceiling, blinking away her still-threatening tears. "Somethin' wrong with th'baby..." she whispered, shifting closer to him. "...Th'chrom'somes were broken..."

Andy nodded and brushed the hair out of Paige's eyes. "Right...nothing that you did...it just wasn't time yet... That little one was here with us for a little while, to tell us that he or she will be here one day...just not yet," he whispered, his throat tight with unshed tears.

Paige let out a raw, anguished sound, burrowing against Andy's chest as the tears overtook her.

Andy bit his lip hard as tears filled his eyes again. He wanted to be home...wanted Nick to be there waiting with open arms...but he knew that he would be bringing Paige home to a cold, empty house, and Nick wouldn't be there for another three and a half hours.

Neal cleared his throat softly as he entered the room, trailing the ward nurse behind him. He gestured slightly to Andy, a pair of dark scrub pants over his arm, and stood back out of the way as the nurse went to work on Paige's IV.

Andy slipped off of the bed as the nurse checked over Paige once more. He leaned into Neal, his hands trembling as he handed the pants to the nurse, who helped Paige up and took her to the bathroom.

Paige whimpered softly under her breath, hugging her abdomen as she shuffled along beside the nurse. She was still cramping...could still feel the blood coming down... Choking back another sob, she leaned heavily against the nurse, who wrapped a gentle arm around Paige's shoulders, murmuring softly to her as she shut the bathroom door behind them.

Neal wrapped his own arms around Andy, holding the younger man as tightly against him as he could.

Andy let out a choked breath into Neal's chest as he tried to hold himself together. "How are we going to get through this?" he whispered.

Neal shook his head slightly, letting Andy draw as much support and comfort as he needed. "One day at a time," he whispered softly, thinking back to his mother and Chuck. "You've got each other, and you've got us -- me and Brooke... Whatever you need, Andy, anytime, anywhere, anything..."

Andy let out a ragged breath. "I hate to see her in so much pain...so sad," he whispered, his throat closing up.

"I know, Andy...I know..." Neal whispered, pressing his lips softly to Andy's hair. "It'll...ease...over time..." He closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh. "Won't ever get totally better, but it will ease..."

Andy shook his head. "It's not fair..." he whispered out harshly, his voice trembling from the pain he was trapping inside.

Neal closed his eyes, rubbing Andy's back and shoulders with slow, gentle sweeps of his hand. "No, it's not..." he agreed quietly.

Andy bit back another sob. "Don't want to be at home alone," he whispered. "You going to stay till Nick gets home?"

"Of course I will, Andy...I promise I won't leave you alone..." Neal whispered back.

Andy nodded into Neal's chest and then pulled back slightly when he heard the bathroom door open.

Paige took a deep breath and stood as upright as she could, putting on a brave smile for her Andy. The scrub pants were thin and baggy, despite her added pregnancy weight... Her mind refused to pursue that train of thought any further. There was a maxi pad plastered to the granny panties the hospital had given her, and its uncomfortable bulk and width between her legs only served as another reminder of her failure as a woman. Shaking her head, she forced a tight smile back to her face and looked up at Andy, unconsciously leaning toward him as she walked.

"I'll go get your wheelchair and your discharge papers, Mrs. Gibson," the nurse murmured, helping to settle Paige on the edge of the mattress. "I'll be right back."

Andy could see the forced smile and let out a small breath. He looked at Neal. "Can you bring your car around? I didn't bring the car...I rode in the ambulance with her," he said softly.

Neal nodded, digging into his pocket for his keys. "...I'll meet you guys downstairs in the loading zone..." Turning on his heel, he wandered out of the room toward the elevators, texting a quick update to Brooke as he rode down.

Andy walked over to Paige and dropped to his knees, looking up at the woman that had captured his heart and soul. "We will get through this, love...anything that you need, just ask, and I'll go to the ends of the earth to get it..." he whispered, leaning up and kissing Paige ever so softly. "Love you."

"Love you too," Paige whispered back, her voice breaking softly as she slipped her arms around Andy's shoulders. "Love you so fucking much..."

Andy pulled back slightly when he heard the nurse coming back with the wheelchair. "Let's get you home, love..." he whispered.

"Want that...so much...you have no idea..." Paige murmured, letting her arms slip from his shoulders.

Andy nodded and stood back as the nurse helped her into the wheel chair. He took the bag of her stuff and the papers from the bed as the nurse wheeled her down the hallway and toward that elevator. He knew that hospital protocol stated that the nurse had to take her to Neal's truck and then they were done.

Neal parked in the waiting zone and pulled out his phone, dialing Brooke's number quickly. "Hey..." he murmured when she picked up the call. "She's been discharged...we're gonna be on our way home soon... Everything ready?"

Brooke looked around the living room from the kitchen, letting out a soft breath. Her heart still hurt.

"Yeah. I cleaned up Logan's stuff, and shut the ba--the bedroom door," she said softly. "I made some chicken noodle soup too...it should be close to being done by the time you guys get here... Did they say what caused it...?" she asked softly.

Neal leaned back in his seat, keeping an eye on the hospital lobby door. "They didn't say specifically, but...I guess there was somethin' wrong with the baby's chromosomes, or somethin'? I dunno...not a real good answer when you're hurtin', y'know..."

Brooke bit her lip. "No...it's not... How is Paige doing?"

"She's devastated," Neal murmured, tipping his head back against the headrest. "They wanted this baby so bad..."

Brooke bit her lip and let out a shaky breath. "I know...Paige and I were going to go and look at stuff next week...but...not now," she whispered.

Neal let out a soft breath. "I know, love... I'm so sorry," he whispered.

Brooke couldn't wait for Neal to get them home...she needed her husband, and she thanked God for all that they had been blessed with. "I love you too...are you being strong for Andy?" she whispered into the phone.

"I'm doing th'best I know how," Neal replied, rubbing his eyes with his fist. "But I'm not Nick, and that who he really wants and needs right now... Have you heard from him at all?"

Brooke sighed. "I texted him and told him to call me as soon as he landed and I would be there to get him so he didn't have to bother with a taxi," she said softly. "He sent me a text back that said 'ok' and that was the last I've heard from him."

"Yeah, I don't think I would've expected much else from him at this point..." Neal murmured, letting his hand drop to his lap. "The baby was his."

Brooke's shoulders slumped. "Oh, no," she whispered.

"I know," Neal sighed quietly. He caught sight of the inner lobby doors opening, and twisted in his seat. "Okay, love, here they come... We'll be on our way shortly, all right? Love you..."

Brooke nodded. "Love you too," she said softly and hung up. She shook her head and let out a soft breath. It just wasn't fair.

Andy saw Neal getting out of the truck and let out a soft breath. He could sit in the middle. He didn't care about getting squished. He just wanted to make sure that Paige was comfortable. He walked over to Neal and put the papers on the floor behind the seat. "How are we going to do this now?" he asked quietly as the nurse helped Paige out of the wheel chair.

"Um... Can you fit in the middle? You're so...portable..." Neal murmured, nuzzling Andy's hair lightly.

Andy looked up at Neal, cracking a smile for the first time all night. "Yeah... I can fit in the middle..."

Neal gave Andy a soft smile. "Okay, then...how about this. You go ahead and get in, and I'll pick her up, put her in the seat next to you, okay? Sound like a plan?"

Andy nodded. "Yeah, I can do that -- and she can put her arms around my neck to steady herself as you lift her up..." he said, slipping into the truck and then leaning out the door, bracing himself on the back of the seat and dashboard in case they needed help.

Neal stepped around to the passenger's side of the car, slipping an arm behind Paige's back to help her stand. "Okay, darlin'...I'm gonna pick you up and lift you into the truck, okay? You ready?"

Paige swayed slightly on her feet, leaning into Neal as he wrapped her up. "Yeah...I am... Just wanna go home..." she whispered hoarsely, tightening her fingers in his shirt.

Andy leaned out, helping Neal guide Paige into the truck and into his waiting arms. He held her tight, careful to see that she had enough room.

Paige let out a soft whimper, leaning into Andy's arms as Neal carefully shut the door. "...Better get our seat belts on, you know..." she murmured hoarsely. "You know how Neal drives, and all..."

Andy leaned in, kissing Paige softly on the temple. "Yeah, I do..." he smiled softly. He reached over and gently pulled the seat belt across her lap, buckling it before he quickly did his. He pulled one leg up so that it didn't get in the way of the gear shift, and waited for Neal to get into the truck so they could go home.

Neal hopped up into the driver's seat, giving the couple a soft smile as he buckled his own seat belt and put the truck into gear. Driving with almost infinite care, he pulled out into traffic and headed for their home.

Andy rubbed the back of Paige's neck as Neal drove. His leg was going numb but he didn't care... Finally, they were pulling into their driveway, and he let out a soft breath of relief. He saw Brooke standing on the porch, hugging herself, and a flicker of fear and anxiety over where Logan was hit him hard in the gut.

Neal pulled slowly into the drive and parked, nearly launching himself out of the truck as he killed the engine to dash around to the passenger's side. He opened the door and held his arms out for Paige immediately, and Brooke was at the side of the truck to help her husband with Paige as soon as the engine was off.

Andy sat in the truck, not moving as Paige was taken into the house. He knew that Brooke would take good care of her...he just needed a minute...

Paige leaned gratefully against Brooke, allowing her to guide her into the house. God, she was just so happy to be home...

Neal hung back, not following the women inside, but not hovering around the truck either. He could understand Andy's desire to have that time alone.

Andy choked back another sob as the anger and pain washed over him again. He threw his head back cracking it on the back window of the truck.

He didn't care.

He deserved the pain.

Maybe if he had driven her to the hospital himself instead of waiting on the ambulance...

Neal's eyes widened slightly with concern for his friend, but he understood the pain thing only a little too well.

Andy slumped in the seat as a few stray tears slipped down his face. He felt...helpless. He looked up, seeing Neal standing a little bit away from the truck. Suddenly, his chest was rising, but he wasn't getting any air, as he felt the panic finally hitting him full force.

Neal bit his lip, seeing Andy's distress.

...Solitude be damned.

Neal moved back to the truck, pulling the passenger's side door open quickly. "Andy," he said softly, "what can I do?"

Andy looked at Neal and shook his head helplessly. "I don't know," he whispered.

Neal climbed back up into the truck, gathering Andy into his arms. "...Then I'll just hold you...is that okay?"

Andy nodded going limp in Neal's arms. "I'm scared of how Nick is going to be..." he admitted finally. He didn't know if he had it in him to be the strong one for both Paige and Nick.

Neal nodded silently, cradling Andy against him. "I'll stay as long as you need me to, okay? Kira's watchin' th'kids at our house...if Paige needs Brooke t'stay, too, we can have everyone come over here, or have the kids stay with Kira, and Brooke and I can alternate bein' here... I don't know..." Neal knew he was rambling, but he wanted to be sure that Andy knew he wasn't going through this alone.

Andy nodded and just tried to breathe. "Thank you," he whispered.

"I love you, Andy," Neal whispered back, giving him a helpless shrug of his own as he held the younger man tighter. "I'm not gonna leave you t'handle this on your own..."

Andy felt the burn of tears in his eyes again as he wrapped his arms around Neal, holding onto him as if his life depended on it. All of his fears were starting to resurface -- what if Nick and Paige after this didn't want him anymore? What if seeing Logan was a reminder of what they couldn't have...a baby with Nick? He swallowed thickly as everything felt like it was closing in around him.

Neal laid a hand on Andy's cheek, brushing the tears away with the pad of his thumb. "I'm right here, Andy...I got you..."

Andy nodded slightly, not voicing his fears. "I'm sorry...I just keep falling apart on you." he whispered.

Neal buried his face in Andy's hair, kissing him softly. "If you need to fall, fall," he whispered, cupping Andy's face. "I'm strong enough t'catch you."

Andy choked back a sob and went limp in Neal's arms. He could feel the tears slipping silently down his face and he didn't care. Neal had him. He could let go.

Neal closed his eyes, tucking Andy's head under his chin. "Love you, so much..." he murmured, and rubbed Andy's back slowly to soothe him, just...holding him...being there for him...catching him. "Right here, Andy...always."


End file.
